Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Two words: nipple clamps
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