it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
