He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
