I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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