you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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