the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i need some magic done to my vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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