ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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