the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
