You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
