My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And then he peed in my hair
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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