im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
