it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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