I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize