I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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