so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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