Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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