he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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