I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
