I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
