go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
