maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
