I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
