I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
