If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You don't make any sense
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