Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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