he told me I talked like a deaf person
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
