I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
