i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
