Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
