ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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