bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
