life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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