the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
