So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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