he shaved USA in his pubs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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