JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
