I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
