i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
