dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
