im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
