theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
