I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
