Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
