It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
