Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
