I skipped work to stalk him.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
well you can't waste a boner
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
