So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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