Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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