So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
