I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
