the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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