"it" just moved
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
