I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
