so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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