Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
