I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
