I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
