Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
