You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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