My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
