my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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