the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
cat food counts as protein by the way
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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