Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
