She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
