I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
