I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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