I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
