i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
