Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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