Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize