Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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