last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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