So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
