its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
