i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
